I (red0x) haven't had any time to work on this project for quite some time.
There's not much activity on my mailing list for the project, either, so it
doesn't look promising that anyone wants to take it over.
I'd say go ahead and nuke it.
R.I.P. Sonar.
Just posted that here. Kinda sad to see it go… Anyone wanna take it over?
“studio” and “stdio” are just one letter apart.
Coincidence? I think not…
My other commitments have been dispensed with. Back to the program….
My family has also been driving me nuts. God forbid they read this, but here goes: They always tend to call when I’m in the middle of something at work, and expect that they’ll get my full attention. When they don’t get my full attention, they get short and upset (or maybe that’s me). And if I don’t answer, they don’t leave a message - it’s almost like they want my full attention when they want it, and if they don’t get it, fuck it.
I know I’ve said that last phrase to at least one person who means the world to me in my life lately, and if so, it’s probably more than a little bit of misplaced anger.
My mom asked me to come home this weekend for my sister’s birthday - asked me if I could find the time. Going home these days is such a huge energy drain. Something I used to find peaceful and enjoyable is now dramatic and painful and that makes me terribly sad. And I’m also a little bit bitter about my sister’s pattern of finding herself invited to something, changing all the plans to suit her better, and then completely bailing on it. Say what you want, but it happened twice in the two weeks around my birthday.
I’ve been wanting to hang out with my group of close friends lately - I’ve been missing them, and haven’t had much time with them. I planned a little shindig last weekend, with fresh oysters from Farmers’ Market, some ribs, and chicken legs, and most of the people said they could make it over, but - of course - the weather didn’t work out.
And to that end, I wanted to hit up Farkas’ poker night tonight - to catch up with a group of friends that hasn’t seen much of me, nor I of them - but couldn’t make it because I got in a huge meta-argument.
*le sigh*
Life of late has been a bit frustrating - frustrating on more than one front. I feel like I’ve been pouring my heart into things - all things - and not seeing much come back my way.
I’ve been working on something at work (which I obviously can’t tell you about - I kinda feel like a secret agent, sometimes, who can’t even admit who signs his checks). And not just working, but slaving away, neglecting something else I’d rather be working on (again, I don’t work there…), something that has - up to this point - been mostly my creation (that’s not to say I don’t have an excellent team backing me up and correcting my poor architecture decisions, because I do (or do I? I’m a secret agent, remember)). But up until now, the code was basically written by me (the logs show I made each checkin of revisions of the form 111, 222, 333, and so on, up to revision 888). I’m now seeing the upper levels of this new creation take shape without my interactive guidance (really, I should just not even attempt to blog about work. People read this, people get offended, life gets more frustrating… Anyway!).
I’ve also been pouring my energy into rehearsing for an upcoming gig in San Francisco. This makes me so nervous. I feel pretty damn susceptible to the energy of others - I have a bad habit of taking that energy and internalizing it, almost like I’m expecting others to tell me I’m doing a good job, when really I should just tell them to fuck off if they don’t like it.
And there’s more, but I have to run for now… other commitments call…
